her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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