I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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