I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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