Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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