Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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