Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
