Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
