my mouth tastes like poor choices
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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