I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
