Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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