you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
