if i can run in heels then i can drive
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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