rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
