Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
