i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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