i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize