ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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