and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
