pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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