Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
