It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
