i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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