Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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