He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
