i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
