We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize