Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
