how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
