Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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