i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
