we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
