You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
