i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize