Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she told me i tasted like america
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
