If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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