Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
