When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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