I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
