Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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