fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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