I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
