My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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