I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
