I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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