You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
