It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
