two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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