If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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