I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
