i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
that is very illegal...i love you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
