someone threw a dead crab at me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
