"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
