My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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