Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
