My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
