I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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