..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
