remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
