I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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