My brain says no but my pants say off.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
