when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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