I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
