I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
