You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
