I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sarcasm needs its own font
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
